Love, Death and Immortality
by Mint-Chocolate-Leaves
Summary: Lily wished for him to disappear - and now he has. From everyone else but her. Now a ghost, James Potter must learn that sometimes to grow up you need to distance yourself from the things that matter.
1. Chapter 1

Title: _**Love, Death and Immortality**_

Character(s)/Pairing: _James. P + Lily. E/P_

Summary: _Lily wished for him to disappear - and now he has. From everyone else but her. Now a ghost, James Potter must learn that sometimes to grow up you need to distance yourself from the things that matter. _

Notes: _Hmm... well I really don't know where this is going to be going - or do I? It's a mystery, and I'm going to often change from between Lily and James' POV. I joined the 'Spiritual Competition' which helped me come up with this. Psst... I'm also adding this to the 'If you dare...' challenge too! Hope you like!_

Warning: Includes cursing - yes I mean bad language.

* * *

_**Chapter One**_

* * *

Lily Evans let out an aggravated sigh as she stormed into the sixth year girl's dormitory. She was sick and tired of James Bloody Potter fawning over her all the time. She was also irritated at that he always asked her out when they saw one another - and most importantly, she despised that he was so arrogant and... and mean!

The first thing she did when she stood in the middle of the dormitory, was let out a small stressed scream. She hated that such an immature boy was always bugging her.

_in fact _Lily thought _I don't just hate him - I look down on him with disdain._

Slowly, Lily walked into the shower room, turning the shower on as she slumped down the wall in a fit of was all James Potter's fault, she mused as the shower head send a cascade of water crashing down Lily's shoulders. She just didn't understand why Potter had to ruin everything.

"I wish he would just disappear," She sobbed, drenched from the water that was soaking through her clothing, "I wish that he would just vanish from the world!"

Lily stayed there, for several minutes - minutes that soon turned into hours - trying to father her thoughts and emotions before standing up shakily. Ignoring the light-headed feeling she felt, she stepped out of the shower cubicle, reaching for her wand with prune-like fingers. With a brisk flick of her wrist, she dried herself off, inhaling deeply.

"He's not going to get to you," Lily told herself, as she blinked away any tears that remained in her eyes.

Carefully she slipped on her slippers, before walking back into the dormitory, to where her best friends sat patiently waiting for her. Lily smiled weakly at them, as she grabbed her hair brush from the side by her bed. Running it through her long red curls, she noticed briefly that one of her best friends, Marlene McKinnon was looking at her with an expression that could only be described as pity.

Lily didn't mention to her friends how she didn't want their pity - but she wished instantly that she had. She didn't want to take it out on them though, after all they weren't in the wrong - Potter was.

And she'd be damned if she started taking her anger and sorrow out on other people.

* * *

James hated sunlight.

Maybe that was being dramatic - but well, he really wasn't a morning person. That was why when his alarm clock starting ringing he groaned. Who's smart idea had it been to buy an alarm clock anyway? None of the marauders liked waking early...

Slowly, eyes still closed he rolled over on his stomach, and reached out to turn off the damned alarm. He could already hear Sirius muttering death threats to the alarm, and Remus sighing. The alarm clock wasn't in its usual place, and immediately he sighed, ignoring Sirius' shout of,

"For crying out loud Prongs, turn off that fucking clock or I will kill someone!"

James opened his eyes slowly, blinking away sleep and sunlight that tried to burn his eyes, before frowning.

"What kind of joke is this you guys?" He asked with furrowed brows, as he looked at the surrounding room. It all seemed so different as he looked from the perspective he was laying. James quickly turned his head to where the alarm clock was still bleeping in a high shriek, realising that his hand was in the middle of the clock.

He let out a shriek himself, as he jumped up out of shock.

Looking down, he realised that his knee's weren't visible from beneath his bed. Was James no longer reality?

"Come on you guys - this isn't funny!"

"Prongs for fuck sake just turn the freaking clock off - or throw it out of the window. Stop the noise!" Sirius shouted, completely oblivious to James' voice. James looked over at where Remus' bed was, where the werewolf was sitting blinking profoundly.

"He's not there Pads," Remus muttered, as he brushed a strand of his hair away from his eyes. It seemed as if he couldn't see James at all. With tense shoulders, James took a step away from his bed, into the middle of the dormitory.

"Moony?" He asked slowly, running a hand through his hair. It seemed that he no longer existed. He turned quietly, to where Sirius and Peter sat, their duvet keeping them warm from the cold november air, "Pads? Wormy?"

The three looked right through him, as if he wasn't standing where he was. But James refused to believe that they weren't pulling a trick on him. Immediately, James rushed over to the door, trying to open the door - It wouldn't open.

When he made to grasp the handle - his hand went straight through it. Cautiously, James lifted his hand and went to touch the door. The solid feel of wood didn't reach his finger tips, and taking a step forwards, James found himself walking straight through the door.

Down in the common room, he looked around at all the first years, before walking over to Evans' friend Alive Prewett saying,

"Hey Alice - what's up?"

When Alice didn't respond, James found himself shocked slightly. Within seconds though, he tried to convince himself that he was real - but when he let out a shout, he found that it seemed he just wasn't... was this what people meant when they called him and the other Marauder's an anomaly?

James shook his head - that wasn't the correct context.

"Holy mother of Merlin..." He whispered, as a student walked straight through him, "I'm not here."

James' eyes widened from both fright and shock.

"I'm not here - shit."


	2. Chapter 2

Title: _**Love, Death and Immortality**_

Character(s)/Pairing: _James. P + Lily. E/P_

Summary: _Lily wished for him to disappear - and now he has. From everyone else but her. Now a ghost, James Potter must learn that sometimes to grow up you need to distance yourself from the things that matter. _

Notes: _Well... sorry it's been months since the first chapter was updated, I don't really have an excuse... Sorry guys - anyways I hope you enjoy this chapter, and don't forget to review! Mint~_

* * *

**_Chapter Two_**

* * *

For James everything around him was silence – but then again, he supposed it would be, due to the fact that he was sat alone in the common room, while other students were in class.

He was confused at how such a thing had happened, and to be blatantly honest – he wanted to know _why_. Had someone killed him and disposed of his body?

"Merlin. That would be terrible." He spoke to himself as he shivered. But then, when he thought it through, there were probably a lot of people he knew who wouldn't hesitate. The Slytherins probably wouldn't hesitate, and neither would Evans...

Oh gods, what if Lily Evans had killed him? James shivered – that would be horrifying.

Slowly, lifting himself from the floor (it turned out that he couldn't sit down on a couch without falling through it) he walked straight through the fat lady's portrait and out into the staircases.

The castle wasn't nearly as beautiful as it had once been when James could slide down the banisters – or when he could ditch class and go fly on the quiditch field. Slowly, he walked down through the corridors of the castle, before walking straight out of the entrance hall and down towards the black lake.

* * *

"And you're sure he's not anywhere on the map?" Lily could hear Sirius Black's voice echo through the great hall as she and Marlene sat down at the Gryffindor table. Today was a good day – Potter hadn't pestered her today.

In fact, today she hadn't even seen Potter; it was almost as if she had caused him to disapparate from Hogwarts, though that was impossible due to the anti-apparition charm placed on the school.

"Where do you think James is then Lily?" Marlene asked, with a small smile playing on her lips as she tried to look seriously at her best friend. Lily sighed; it seemed that even if she wasn't being bothered by Potter, she was still going to have people talking into her ear about him. It seemed she would never be able to forget him,

"I hope he's somewhere very far away."

* * *

James didn't remember ever feeling so lonely – he had always had Padfoot to joke with, or Moony to talk to, even Peter to tease. The sun was setting now, but James didn't acknowledge it, he was much too busy looking at the enchanting area that was the forbidden forest.

He knew that he had seen it many times before, while he was out on the full moon in his Animagus form with his fellow Marauders, but he had never seen it in such a different way before, by himself, as a human. The forest hadn't ever truly appealed to him before, just another place around Hogwarts of which he could turn into a game.

A small neigh brought him out of his stupor, and almost immediately, James turned around, to see a horse-like figure that was more skin than bones. Reaching out to touch it, James smiled weakly when he realised his hand didn't go through it.

"I'm a bit like you now, I guess," James spoke as he stroked the front of its head slowly, his smile fading almost as quickly as it had appeared. It hadn't even been twenty four hours yet, and already he missed his friends, "no one can see you,"

James knew that the creature was called a Thestral, though he had never seen one before. Remus and Sirius had told him what they looked like, an age ago it seemed, but James hadn't really paid the two of them any time of day. After all, he had never seen one because he had never seen death – the thing James believed he would never see.

He supposed that because he was now... dead... he would be able to see the creatures. They were beautiful, James mused, in their own mystical way. The way they walked so elegantly, like the predators that they were – or the way they opened their wings with such grace. Maybe it was their eyes – the cloud of uncertainty that lay behind their dark stormy blue eyes, made them seem as if they were all lost souls.

The Thestral pressed its nose against James' stomach, and James was once again, surprised to notice that it had not gone through him. James smiled – or rather, he grimaced.

"What happened?" He asked himself, as once again the Thestral neighed, trotting away from him. James found himself vaguely startled to watch it go. He startled himself even more so, when he started to follow the Thestral into the forest, not wanting to see it leave. He supposed he was looking for some sort of comfort – a comfort of which he knew he wouldn't receive.

With the sun setting behind him, and the colour of the tree's growing darker and darker with every passing minute, he soon found that not only was he lost – he was alone as well.

James had learnt a lot over the years. And one of the most important things he knew was to never be alone for to long – because sometimes it drove a person insane, and well, James didn't want to go insane.

Cautiously, James took his wand from his hoist – apparently, even though he was dead, he could still handle the wooden object. Though this was confusing – James didn't want to ask questions, glad that he was able to hold one solid object in his hand.

"Lumos," he whispered to himself, half heartedly. He brightened slightly when his wand brightened, into a light, and he started running through the familiar paths of the forest, out into the lighter area of the black lake.

The black lake was breathtaking as well, James decided, as he watched small waves ripple against the tide. The water reflected the light from the half moon, and for a moment, James didn't breathe, or move. For a moment he didn't do a thing.

After this though, James sat down on the grass in front of the lake, listening only to the sound of the waves on the shore, and his own breathing.

James sat silently for a while, and it took several minutes until he realised that he was crying. Silver tears rolled down his cheeks, and his shoulders arched over as he tried to shield himself from the prying eyes of others. More tears fell when he reminded himself, that no one would see him again, so they wouldn't be aware of it.

It took a while, but eventually James stopped crying. He just sat and thought though, he thought of everything he had been through, and everything he hadn't.

He thought of Sirius and how he had only been disowned two months ago. He thought of Remus, and his furry little problem – of little Peter, and how his father had passed away last year. Then James thought of his parents – Dorea and Charles Potter.

He would never be able to say _goodbye_ to any of them. He would never pull another prank with Sirius, or visit Remus after the full moon. He'd never again make Peter smile after the Slytherins picked on him, and he'd never hug his parents again.

James would have cried again, had the Thestral not neighed from behind him. He turned, staring at the creature with hazel eyes, confusion swimming in them when the creature nuzzled its nose into his neck. James realised promptly that it was the same Thestral as before.

And he smiled as it settled on the grass beside him.


End file.
